How to Find Self-Love as a Single Mom

Written by: Cassie Arico

Being a single parent can make you feel like you have to put everything for yourself on the backburner. Your children come first, and you have to make sure all their needs are met even if you’re falling apart. It’s easy to fall into this mindset and so hard to get out of it. However, it is also important to ensure you take care of yourself as well. It’s not selfish to make time just for you. 

I’m now a single mom of five kids. At the time I became a single parent, I had four children: two-year-old twin girls, and a six-month-old infant. I was truly a single parent, as their father ended up incarcerated a few weeks later. My parents had just moved out of state, so I was alone. I had some friends that tried to help out, but it became too much for them. I was not eating healthy, not exercising, or sleeping well. I was depressed, felt sick, and I didn’t want or even have the energy to do much of anything. Overall, I felt bad that I was working so much and not spending time with my kids. A good friend finally sat me down to get through to me. Even though my kids had everything they needed: food, clothes, a house, activities; I wasn’t being a good parent to them. I couldn’t be, because I wasn’t being good to myself. If I were to have kept going down the same path, I might have ended up hospitalized or worse.

After being told to my face how I needed to step back and take better care of myself to be able to take care of my kids, I spoke with my boss who thankfully could see how bad I was doing and gave me a couple of paid days off. My parents happily volunteered to look after my kids for a long weekend, and I sat down to the hard task of looking over my life to evaluate what changes were needed.

Find something that brings you joy

I began by setting some small goals for myself. I knew I had to start eating healthier and get more exercise. I also decided that I needed to find something that I could do just for me, to make myself feel better. I started watching videos online to find healthy recipes and while I enjoyed it, it didn’t speak to me. I tried several different things from yoga, to some free exercise classes, to painting and cross-stitch. However, it all felt the same way to me. I didn’t enjoy any of it.

It wasn’t until I sat down and tried to think of what I liked doing before I was a parent that I came across the two topics that changed me: writing and being outdoors. I figured I could get exercise and spend time with my children that didn’t cost much money. With this new idea in mind, we started to go to local parks and visit walking trails regularly.

To balance time for myself, I arranged babysitting trades with some co-workers and friends. In turn, I could then go on a solo overnight camping trip with activities such as hiking to help me  self-reflect. I also kept a journal to help me write about my experience.

The benefits of finding your passion

After making small changes such as these, I could see an improvement in my children, and  was so excited to see an improvement in myself. I felt happier, more rested, and not as stressed. It did take a couple of months for me to get to this point. I packed my meals for work, so I wasn’t tempted to eat anything unhealthy. I also made sure to drink only water while I was working. While some days were harder than others, I wanted to stay on my journey to self-love until it became second nature. Every now and then I can feel myself starting to fall back into my old ways, but looking at how far I’ve come helps me to believe in myself and move forward.

I stay focused by celebrating the small everyday wins. 

How to get started

To figure out how to put some self-love into your life, you have to be open to trying new things. Stepping out of your comfort zone takes time and courage, so start small.

Starting small can look as simple as watching some yoga videos or looking for a free yoga beginner’s class. Check out your local YMCA or local recreational center to see if they offer free trial classes or other inexpensive options. Research local events in your area. Find a painting class or learn to play an instrument class. Sit down and think about what you used to like to do, especially as a child. Try many different things until you find what you love and what makes you feel good about yourself. Some other places you can look for classes are your local community center or church, or even talk to some friends or co-workers. 

Once you find a way to bring self-love into your life, good mental health will also follow. You’ll start to feel a change in your life, in how you feel and interact with other people around you. 

Don’t give up if it takes you a while

It’s not an easy journey and sometimes you have to take a step back in order to move forward. Find someone you can talk to when things get tough or even a small support group. If you find yourself starting to fall back into your old ways, don’t be scared to reach out for help. It takes a strong person to do that and I believe in you. I know that you can succeed. No successful person turned out that way overnight.  

Break down your goals into small steps and set your mind to taking one step at a time. Sometimes you might have to step back, relax, and reflect on what is making you doubt yourself. But never give up. 

Never stop believing in yourself or that you deserve self-love, you are worth everything.

How to Find Self-Love as a Single Mom

Written by: Cassie Arico

Being a single parent can make you feel like you have to put everything for yourself on the backburner. Your children come first, and you have to make sure all their needs are met even if you’re falling apart. It’s easy to fall into this mindset and so hard to get out of it. However, it is also important to ensure you take care of yourself as well. It’s not selfish to make time just for you. 

I’m now a single mom of five kids. At the time I became a single parent, I had four children: two-year-old twin girls, and a six-month-old infant. I was truly a single parent, as their father ended up incarcerated a few weeks later. My parents had just moved out of state, so I was alone. I had some friends that tried to help out, but it became too much for them. I was not eating healthy, not exercising, or sleeping well. I was depressed, felt sick, and I didn’t want or even have the energy to do much of anything. Overall, I felt bad that I was working so much and not spending time with my kids. A good friend finally sat me down to get through to me. Even though my kids had everything they needed: food, clothes, a house, activities; I wasn’t being a good parent to them. I couldn’t be, because I wasn’t being good to myself. If I were to have kept going down the same path, I might have ended up hospitalized or worse.

After being told to my face how I needed to step back and take better care of myself to be able to take care of my kids, I spoke with my boss who thankfully could see how bad I was doing and gave me a couple of paid days off. My parents happily volunteered to look after my kids for a long weekend, and I sat down to the hard task of looking over my life to evaluate what changes were needed.

Find something that brings you joy

I began by setting some small goals for myself. I knew I had to start eating healthier and get more exercise. I also decided that I needed to find something that I could do just for me, to make myself feel better. I started watching videos online to find healthy recipes and while I enjoyed it, it didn’t speak to me. I tried several different things from yoga, to some free exercise classes, to painting and cross-stitch. However, it all felt the same way to me. I didn’t enjoy any of it.

It wasn’t until I sat down and tried to think of what I liked doing before I was a parent that I came across the two topics that changed me: writing and being outdoors. I figured I could get exercise and spend time with my children that didn’t cost much money. With this new idea in mind, we started to go to local parks and visit walking trails regularly.

To balance time for myself, I arranged babysitting trades with some co-workers and friends. In turn, I could then go on a solo overnight camping trip with activities such as hiking to help me  self-reflect. I also kept a journal to help me write about my experience.

The benefits of finding your passion

After making small changes such as these, I could see an improvement in my children, and  was so excited to see an improvement in myself. I felt happier, more rested, and not as stressed. It did take a couple of months for me to get to this point. I packed my meals for work, so I wasn’t tempted to eat anything unhealthy. I also made sure to drink only water while I was working. While some days were harder than others, I wanted to stay on my journey to self-love until it became second nature. Every now and then I can feel myself starting to fall back into my old ways, but looking at how far I’ve come helps me to believe in myself and move forward.

I stay focused by celebrating the small everyday wins. 

How to get started

To figure out how to put some self-love into your life, you have to be open to trying new things. Stepping out of your comfort zone takes time and courage, so start small.

Starting small can look as simple as watching some yoga videos or looking for a free yoga beginner’s class. Check out your local YMCA or local recreational center to see if they offer free trial classes or other inexpensive options. Research local events in your area. Find a painting class or learn to play an instrument class. Sit down and think about what you used to like to do, especially as a child. Try many different things until you find what you love and what makes you feel good about yourself. Some other places you can look for classes are your local community center or church, or even talk to some friends or co-workers. 

Once you find a way to bring self-love into your life, good mental health will also follow. You’ll start to feel a change in your life, in how you feel and interact with other people around you. 

Don’t give up if it takes you a while

It’s not an easy journey and sometimes you have to take a step back in order to move forward. Find someone you can talk to when things get tough or even a small support group. If you find yourself starting to fall back into your old ways, don’t be scared to reach out for help. It takes a strong person to do that and I believe in you. I know that you can succeed. No successful person turned out that way overnight.  

Break down your goals into small steps and set your mind to taking one step at a time. Sometimes you might have to step back, relax, and reflect on what is making you doubt yourself. But never give up. 

Never stop believing in yourself or that you deserve self-love, you are worth everything.

About author: Cassie Arico

Cassie is a Virtual Assistant, travel blogger, and single mom of five wanderlust-filled children. 

She is passionate about encouraging other single parents to travel and explore the world with their children. 

Connect with Cassie on Instagram @singlemomstrongtraveler 

About author: Cassie Arico

Cassie is a Virtual Assistant, travel blogger, and single mom of five wanderlust-filled children. 

She is passionate about encouraging other single parents to travel and explore the world with their children. 

Connect with Cassie on Instagram @singlemomstrongtraveler